Instead of writing about why you aren’t happy with your life, do something to make you happy. It sounds like you’ve set a lot of lifetime goals, but not small goals to make you happy in the interim. Do something fun that gets you out of the house, keeps your mind pre-occupied with other things, allows you to meet people, and stay busy. Do something that you normally wouldn’t do to break up the everyday life. You always talk about the things that you would like to do before you die, but you never really do them; you only write about them. So do them for a change!

As for being materialistic, just remember that you can’t bring a Uhaul along to your funeral when you die.