Jonathan Smith is a web designer, graphic designer, and photographer in Harrisburg, PA.

On the morning of June 15th, 2010 I drove myself to Harrisburg Hospital because of a sharp pain I had in my chest. I arrived around 3am and diagnosed with pancreatitis. Within a few hours I was admitted and given a room. The only way to recover from pancreatitis is to not eat or drink until my pancreas goes back to normal. So I was fed by IV and given morphine for the pain.

By the second day I was worried if my insurance was going to cover my hospital stay. I don’t think that is something anyone should have to worry about. I probably shouldn’t have even driven myself to the hospital but since my $1,000 bill for the ambulance ride to Hershey Medical Center after my motorcycle accident I wasn’t looking forward to another bill like that. So I drove.

I consider myself one of the fortunate people of our country to work a corporate job and have health benefits. Yet I still find myself stressed out whether the system would take care of me. And every year when I need to choose my health benefits package for the following 12 months it’s like trying to decipher the rosetta stone. There’s too many options. And each option changes depending on when/if deductibles are met. It’s a real crap shoot.

I remember one thing before being admitted. Someone from the emergency room told me that I would be billed separately for use of the tv and the phone. Mental check… don’t use the tv or the phone. Yet I still got a bill for this to which I had to call and inform them that I did not use either. Luckily they simply told me to ignore the bill then. Phew.

On the fourth day I was able to eat and drink juice with no pain and they released me. A few days later I received a letter saying that my hospital stay was approved by AETNA, my insurance company. I sighed with relief.

But not so soon! Then came a bill from my doctor for the followup that I had. And finally the bill above from Pinnacle Health. Ok, I AM happy that I didn’t have to pay the $8,261.70 that the four day hospital stay cost me. But I’m still left with a $614.14 bill.

This is why I can see how people in this country can try to avoid getting the proper care they need when they are sick. A lot of people don’t have an extra $600 sitting around collecting dust. And that is for someone that has a decent health plan. I’m sure a lot of people may have had to pay a lot more than that. So what is a person to do? Get sick and die because they can’t “afford” proper health care? Or get the proper health care and go into debt trying to pay it off for who knows how long.

Today I had my final follow-up visit with my doctor to discuss my injuries from my motorcycle accident and to see my cholesterol results from my most recent blood test. My cholesterol looks fine. That’s the extent of the good news. Now for the bad news. Well, my ribs are fine. Nothing broken or fractured, just bruised. BUT, my doctor noticed that I have a 4cm spot on my left lung. She said it’s probably nothing to worry about because it’s only 4cm, but I will need an additional cat scan within the next 6-12 months to make sure it does not grow. If it grows, it could be cancerous. That was totally NOT what I was expecting to hear today! I don’t smoke, but I do have asthma. So anything involved with breathing or my lungs I take very seriously.

On top of this, my uncle was buried today. Going to his viewing last night was emotional enough for me. Looking mortality straight in the eye has had my mind racing lately. I’ll admit, I’m scared.

On the other extreme, my cousin Jeremy is getting married at the Outer Banks this weekend. Some of the family is already down there and so could not attend the funeral today. His father was here for the funeral today and will fly down on Thursday for his son’s wedding.

There’s just too much going on lately that I find myself in a rut. Whether people notice it or not, I’m not sure. I like to be happy but I find I’m probably hiding a lot of emotions and thoughts and not letting them out. I don’t think I know how to vent these feelings.